Crap Days

There's two reasons I'm here right now typing this blog.  One:  My university website is down so I can't keep hitting refresh on my grades waiting for my Visual Comm. grade to come up.  Two:  I had a crap day, and that usually gets me pretty chatty.  Luckily for you I'm not here to talk about how crap my day was.  I've actually found that bad days make me evaluate my life.. not in terms of how awful I think it is (although I used to be very guilty of that) but more about what I'm doing, where I'm hoping to head etc.

But first let me show you my massive bowl of salad that is now my dinner:

It's seriously as big as my head!   But salad makes me feel human and alive, when I start to feel rundown a salad is always there to pick me up.  Of course if I had never decided to try being a vegetarian I probably would have never picked up on it - the way that certain foods have an almost healing/positive effect.  I'm much more in touch with my body and really that's what this blog post is going to be about - how changes I've made have made me more in touch with different parts of myself.

I start off every year saying 'This is going to be the year of change'.. I can tell you it rarely is.  I mean sure I've always done little things, changing things I don't like, but this is the first year that I've looked at things that I've wanted to do for a long time and just started doing them.  I cut my hair all off because I wanted to (although I am growing it back now it was quite the experience in liberation), I am studying something I like, I took up being a vegetarian and a few other secret projects that I can't reveal to protect the innocent (and save my own butt).

What I've learnt the most so far though, is how much I'm becoming this person that I always wanted to be but never really saw myself being.  People that are close to me and have known me for long enough could tell you that I've changed a lot in the past two years.  It's like I've always needed to chase different focuses because I couldn't focus on myself, finally I think I've learnt how to keep most of the focus on myself.  I have gained a lot of confidence about myself and what I can do.  

Two years ago my best friend was counting down for her wedding; she was also trying to conceive their first child.  We (including her husband) were all 20 at the time,  and while they were committing to each other I was getting over a messy breakup and fumbling through a new relationship.  I didn't get where her head was at 2 years ago, because I obviously didn't believe in relationships lasting or that making plans ever got someone anywhere.  2 years later I think I have some idea of where her head was at, it's like this change of heart/mind that just hits you - and little (HA!) things like commitment, children and womanhood hits you like a ton of bricks.  Being a mum, being a wife once seemed like foreign (but eventual) concepts and now they're what everything is going towards.  I'm not saying that I expect them to happen right now, but I accept them as things that will happen for me and that I welcome wholeheartedly. 

In the meantime I'll research homeschooling (which I'd love to do!), read about what other women do with their children, cuddle Cameron (Rachel's 8-month old son), read about growing vegetables/fruits/herbs, find out how to raise chickens and ducks, learn to sew toys/clothes/blankets, collect wooden toys and books in fear that they'll for some reason stop producing them over time.  And yes I'll do my degree, even though I can never see myself in an office.. because I figure any skill is a good skill and all this stuff I am doing at university will surely come in handy in ways that I can't expect or predict.  I may even be able to do something entirely unique that will require all the great multimedia stuff I'm learning, may require creativity or writing or German hahaha.  

I guess the point I'm trying to get to is that even crap days are to be expected on this path I'm strolling along in life. And that over time they make me stronger, no matter how much I whinge or vent - there's a bigger side of me that is happy than a side of me that is sad - so I finally know that I'm winning against the negative little rain cloud.  I know everything will be great - that it already is pretty great and that I'm lucky to have so much opportunity and love in my life. :)

PS:  See how much I love that salad? :P

Music - Tunes of the Moment

Wow two updates in a day?  Yeah I stayed home from Uni because I was tired and felt really sick this morning - For those keeping tabs on me it's OKAY I'm going to my compulsory lecture/tute tonight, so there.

So something a little different today - I've been really getting into the movie soundtracks of In the Mood for Love and (500) Days of Summer.  I thought I'd share my standout songs from the movies, that really stuck out to me.  They're completely different films so I'll explain them and their soundtracks individually (and yes there's links.. there's always links!).

In the Mood for Love is a film from Hong Kong made in 2000.  It's a really odd story with very little talking, with a lot of emphasis put into camera positioning and repeated sequences to establish the moods.  It's really one of those 'love or hate' films.. I have to admit when I was made to watch it for class I may have fallen asleep, plus I hate having to read subtitles.. but when I read the synopsis and realised the actual storyline I could see the charm.  Anyway what really struck me in this movie is the sweet little soundtrack.. I instantly recognised the kind of spanish love songs that my grandmother would listen to and fell in love at first listen.  Turns out it was actually Nat King Cole singing in spanish, which I never knew - I love his voice, it reminds me of christmas time because my mum has his carols always playing.
There's also some violin - which always scores with me.

Songs:
Quizas, Quizas, Quizas - Nat King Cole
Aquellos Ojos Verdes - Nat King Cole
Yumeji's Theme - Shigeru Umebayashi
Angkor Wat Theme
Te Quiero Dijiste - Nat King Cole

(500) Days of Summer is a 2009 film, a story of 'boy meets girl' but with twist.  I've yet to meet someone that watches this film and hates it.  Plus I have the biggest girl crush on Zooey Deschanel, she is just too cute (even if she does break Joseph Gordon-Levitt's heart in this film).  The real winner in this movie are the The Smiths who are grossly under-appreciated in my opinion.  I'll list some other songs in this movie that were just beautiful - within the movie and out.

Songs:

Us- Regina Spektor

There Is A Light That Never Goes Out - The Smiths

Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want - The Smiths

You Make My Dreams - Hall & Oates

Sweet Disposition - The Temper Trap

Hero - Regina Spektor

Enjoy! xx

Epic Failure

So for the few of you who are actually following this - besides the 2 official followers (Hi by the way!) - you may have noticed that it's been about three weeks since I did my last post.  Those of you who know me, probably saw this coming.. but seriously heaps has happened since my last mind-blowing post and I will be updating soon!!

With this announcement comes the change of my byline from 'aiming for daily snaps a day' to 'aiming for weekly stories'.  Because that's really all I have at the end of a week - a bunch of random stories and happenings, but I do hope to be able to at least up date twice a week.  Also I'll be taking my day numbers off and just leaving the titles.

Okay off to have some Sunday brunch and then massive update when I get back!
xx

PS: Okay now that I've had a look it's actually been a month.. eek!

Peppermint Epiphany

The tea that started it all :P

Just elaborating on my facebook status here: "This is going to sound retarded.. but as I was eating my toast this morning with peppermint tea I realised that I have a personality and that I had this person in me that I'd completely forgotten over time.. Go me?".

In a nutshell without knowing me, I'm going to start by saying that the past couple of years have been difficult emotionally.  Even though I've gained many great things, like a wonderful boyfriend of nearly two years and my lovely rattikin trio,  I have to admit that I've felt really aloof with what kind of person I am (or even what kind of person I'd like to be).  I used to have a really strong identity.. I felt like I was the kind of person that could be friends with anyone and I used my social skills to the max.  Then for certain reasons I started to doubt myself.  Doubt turned into pushing away and secluding.  Eventually that doubt become massive social anxiety - the thought of doing anything with strangers, even friends was so emotionally crushing that I would be in hysterics before it and completely drained after it.  And I'd always think I'd made a fool of myself.  I think most people mistook this as being quiet, but it was more that I was afraid of everything to do with social situations.

When Justin said he was going away for 6-8 weeks, I thought I'd be stuffed.  I've left myself in this position of not having very much to do with myself and sans many friends, so the thought of being alone for that long was a really scary one.  But I really wanted to be strong.  So what did I discover this morning over a cup of peppermint tea?  I realised that I own myself.  That all along I had all these unique wants and likes, that I have things that I'm proud of - that I'm great at.  I've been so afraid of who I am this whole time that I tried to make myself about certain things that I could cling onto, that I forgot all the things that made me.. well ME.  And those things I've been clinging onto?  I don't resent them at all, in fact they've only made me feel stronger about what I've hung onto desperately to get through the rainy days.  And now - I'm just super excited :)  There's sooo much to do, I'm sure the next few weeks are absolutely going to fly. xx

Bath time!

I love a good bath.. it kills me that back home we don't have a bathtub, so when I visit my parents (particularly when it's a little on the cool side!) I looooove to have baths.  I've been feeling pretty down and crumby lately, so it was really great to just chill and loosen up a little.  I mean there's bubbles - they make everything alright ;)

Lots of bubbles at that!  And Miss Rubber Ducky decided she wanted a piece of that action!

Passing Time - Boggle

Juz and I looove playing Boggle, it's the latest obsession.  I like to think I'm the Boggle Queen.  Probably cause I bet Sir Justin in 9/10 matches haha.  I've always really been into any kind of word game (except Scrabble augh) because I'm a bit of a reader and I think I have a pretty sweet vocabulary.  Sometimes I totally see words in spanish and german in there too, but I'm not allowed to write them :P

The highest score I've gotten playing with Justin is 54 points I think.. it's because he keeps looking for made up words hoping he'll catch me out (we have a dictionary, but it almost makes it worse because of the amount of ridiculous words that DO exist).  Meanwhile I pull out long words and get 2-3 points more per word.  There's strategy to it :P

Passing Time - Pictionary

When I met Justin I was thrilled to find someone that loves playing board games.  I'd been dying to play quite a few games for a while and over time we've collected a couple of different games.  Unfortunately most games aren't friendly for under four people, which for now is a bit of a hard task.  For example, Pictionary.  It's a game played in pairs, where one player has to guess what the other player is drawing (it's written on a card the drawer picks up) and they have three minutes to convey their message through drawings.  Our solution to not having anyone else to play with is to have 'practice runs' where we pick a card and draw something for the other to guess.  Today I'm presenting you with two of our masterpieces:

Now I know what you're thinking... 

What the hell is that?  Why is it's mouth so big?  Is it an animal?  But wait, it's only got either two legs and a tail or three legs?  Why does it appear to be floating.. wait is it a ghost?

These are all valid guesses.. It may surprise you to learn that this is my Justin's interpretation of the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland.  Furthermore it may surprise you that I somehow managed to see that and guess the answer which was Alice in Wonderland.  It's not the first miracle I've performed, I managed to get Little Red Riding Hood out of two lines and a mini-tunnel.  Or at least that's what it probably looked like to everyone else!

I wish I could boast that my other half was as skilled as I am at the art of reading min-  I mean deciphering pictographs.  Despite my best efforts to be an artist, sometimes we're just not on the same page.  Take the above picture - the category is Action and the answer is Ouch.  You're thinking holy crap, that's pretty hard to draw, but I do see where you were going with this Silvia.. why.. it's a man holding his sore knee!  Thanks, I know you were totally thinking that.  My darling partner?  Somehow he was fixated on thinking that this was a pregnant woman (A one-legged woman at that).  A pregnant woman with a leg sticking out of her non-existent belly.. wait.. it must be labour! LABOUR! LABOUR! I think I died of laughter afterwards.. 

Miss Un-Photogenic

If I ever entered the Miss World contest pretty sure they'd have to make up that prize title for me.  I seriously have issues featuring in photos.  Mostly because when I DO feature in them, I always always look terrible.  Here's a few of me avoiding the camera and looking terrible all at the same time :P

This is one is proudly brought to you by Coca Cola - real taste ... fake photo op.

This photo is one of the first taken in my (almost) two year relationship.. I couldn't even be photogenic in a romantic context!  (To be fair I'm pretty sure I was highly highly hungover at the time).